The real me ..

A few of you wanted to know more about me, I have been hiding who I am for a reason, I don't know who I am any more.

I thought living on my own would be amazing, my own space do what I want, which is exactly true but I am to alone. 

I have lost a lot of my close friends, Basically they have got a boyfriend and forgot I existed I was only there for them but they are not there for me, and it's sad to say these girls are actually who I would of classed as a close friend, others have moved away and can't be bothered to talk to me anymore.. it's sad to say but a month or more goes by and the only person to ring me is my mum. I may get a random tx 1 night for Barry asking me out, that's if I am lucky.

A lot of people are ashamed to say they have no friends but I guess I have to just deal with it.. I actually have NO friends!! .. no one who would willing call me up to check if I am still ALIVE!! no one to send me a tx asking how I am... I am lucky these days if I get a facebook comment... even them it's not exactly communication. 

I often thought I was a bubbly person and when someone gets to know me I think I am.. but being alone for so long I have built this MASSIVE wall around me my home and my heart I don't know if it is people not bothering with me any more or if it is me shutting them out.. but then how can it be me, when no one even calls me.. 

I am sorry this is a sort of depressing blog post, but this is me. 

I have met some great girls online via more magazine facebook page, and since more magazine blocked me from it after someone reported me for god knows what I have become even more depressed because I now really do have no one to talk to.. I also find I can't seem to say how I feel over facebook without being judged and I feel I am always being judged by old school "friends", college "friends" and other people. 

I really don't know what to do any more 

I don't sleep very well, I constantly cry and I have even started pushing my parents away, maybe if there is no one left to care for me I can vanish?

one of the most hardest things in life is being alone and I guess it does make you stronger in the end 

so after this depressing post as you all know I love katie price, and I also quite like Peter Andre.. his  new show here to help, I have applied, not because I want to meet him but because I need help to build my life, my social life and me back up again. I doubt very much it will work at all but I feel I am loosing hope.


  1. Aww I'm the same, I don't really have many friends. I used to have loads then somewhere along the line it just hit me that I don't have any! I think a lot of girls feel like this but like you said, not many people like admitting it. Making friends is supposed to be one of the most natural things and people do think it comes natural to us girls but it doesn't, especially with social networking, we are actually more out of touch with our friends then we've ever been.
    I had a lot of friends at uni and then because one of them turned against me, they all did. And being away from home for three years has also meant I've lost touch with all my friends from home...I have maybe 2 close friends who I still consider friends but I don't see. I admit though that even when they do make the effort to ask me to hang out, I don't make the effort back because it's been too long and simply because social networking makes it 'easier' to speak to them. My only real best friend at the moment is my boyfriend!
    Anyway, I hope that at least these words have told you that you're not alone. I wish I could give advice, but I don't know myself. Chin up though, I'm always on FB if you need a chat :)

  2. So much of what you just said sounds so similar to how I feel at the moment! The whole putting a wall up, pushing parents away, having no social life and generally feeling like no one gives a toss! I'm only an email or tweet away if you ever need a chat, or just want a chat about anything lovely. xx

  3. *huge hugs* your not alone Hun I know all those feelings well. I have some amazing online friends but my RL friends have all moved on and I'm the one left where I've always been. Sometimes I sit and wonder what's wrong with me to be so unloved and easily forgotten. I have my wonderful other half but he can't do girly nights as much as he try's.

    If you ever want to have a natter hun then add me on facebook (Sarah-Louise Sazzles Bailey) or twitter (@selene1611). Im around a lot xx

  4. I'm sorry you're feeling so low love, I lost a massive amount of friend after I left sixth form from the ages of 17-19 I lost my 5 'best' friends and then an additional 5-10 who I used to see a lot and go out with. It really, really hurts and leaves you feeling like absolute shit but try not to let it really really get you down, you sound like a gorgeous fun girl (from reading all your posts) and they're the ones missing out!

    If you ever want a girly natter feel free to add me on twitter!/Fashionismyh2o
    or email me : fashionismyh2o im always around for a chat!

    Hope you feel better soon love <3

    Following you now :)



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