What I feel like..

I always feel like I should be doing something, but there's nothing really that I'd like to do any more, I have such big dreams, such as wedding planner - that when down the drain recently and I can't be bothered to pick that up, then there's my photography, possibly the only thing that is keeping sane. 

I don't really enjoy doing much of anything anymore. Everything I do makes me feel restless. Does anyone else feel that way? I don't want to do nothing, but doing something seems equally as bad. So I spend most of my time alone in my flat, I've pushed friends away that I use to spend time with I only have my close close friends and I could count them on 1 hand these days. I hate it, but I don't know what else to do. I don't want to hide in my flat....I just don't know how to deal with people or life anymore.....nothing makes me happy or maybe happy is too much to expect. I'd just like to be o.k. but nothing makes me feel o.k. I keep thinking about a quote from the movie 'Heathers' that goes "Now that you're dead, what are you gonna do with your life?" Because in one sense it kind of feels like I'm dead emotionally, but my physical body is still alive so I have to figure out something to do with my life as long as I'm physically still alive. Does that make any sense?

I've just finished university and everything should be falling into my hands, shouldn't it? It doesn't feel like it, feels like university was a waste of time, I got nothing out of it.

I am sorry for this rather bland post..