An insight into how I feel a year on..

So today is a day I have been dredding for a year, it is the anniversery of breaking up with my ex, Steffan, yes an ex. 

But he happened to be the love of my life, all I have is bad memories from this day, the relationship we had was amazing but it started going down hill and July13th last year was the night he told me it was over and I had to move all of my belongings out of our flat we had shared together for 9months. I was heartbroken and I think I always will be, but talking to a few friends and I think I need to see it as a fresh start a whole year has gone and I need to stop moping around and craving him back, I need to stop thinking oo maybe I can bump into him. Yes I love him, but in all honesty, I don't want him back and I haven't for ages, the way he treated me it will hurt me forever and if he can do it once, he will do it again.

I will fix my heart, myself!

Just because I am in "love" with him, doesn't mean I can't have feelings for other guys, because I have, there was John, he was so lovely but it just did not work he had a child with some girl and we were to far away to make it work we still keep in contact and I hope we remain friends but really that is all that can happen. Then there was James.. these are their actual names btw, I am not changing them no point it can be in the open for all I care, this is MY blog!!! so going back to James, I really never have met somone quite like him and I sorta feel stuck on how my feelings were for him, at first I didn't want them to happen, I didn't want him to be the guy but after a while I thought he was far better than Steffan ever was and I really did like him.. well he proved me wrong didn't he .. so moving on I have decided I am not even going to bother with guys/boys/bfs anymore, This year it is about me and I am going to go back and be the best I ever have!!! 

I have already started to get back into running daily and I will aim to keep this up, I have also invested in a hula hoop and I am borrowing my mums skipping rope.. I am going to loose 3 stone I have been trying to loose for many years. I am going to make my hair, the most gorgeous it has EVER been!!! and competley re-do my wardrobe, my style the old tomboy is going, and I am going girly!! yes I said GIRLY!!

I am not giving myself a time limit, but I have promised myself when I am comfortable with how I look and feel, I am going to walk into that co-op that Steffan works in and show that boy what he LOST!! I know people will say don't do that just leave it, I can't, for me it is something I want to proove and I will, I have been dreaming about the day for months that I show him what he lost and with or without a guy on my arm He WILL regret loosing me :)

Sorry for the ramble I really needed to get it out and this was my way.